10 Things They Didn’t Tell You About Parenthood

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So you find out you’re pregnant! YAY! You’re excited (or maybe not) and all the advice people give you sounds a bit like this: “OMG it’s so easy especially when they are babies” or “Once you get the hang of it, it’s a breeze” It’s very rare that you will hear anyone say something negative about being a parent….. I am not one of those people….. I will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth! Being that I have 2 daughters (8 years and 6 months) I consider myself a veteran mom and I will tell anyone who ask the honest truth! Are you sure you’re ready for this?

 

10. Pregnancy SUCKS!!

My first pregnancy was okay I had morning sickness the first 3 months then everything ran smooth. 2nd pregnancy……was probably the closest I could describe death. That’s what I felt like each and every day the 2nd time around. I had morning sickness all day, every day until about the 7th month.( I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidrum or HG for short) It was to the point they were wanting to keep me in the hospital and put a tube in my stomach. Somehow I stopped vomiting just enough to avoid hospitalization.I also dealt with severe acid reflux, low blood sugar, and sciatica (they wanted to give me a walker). I literally lived on cereal (which I also became lactose intolerant during that pregnancy so I had to drink almond milk) Baked potatoes, french fries, and pineapples. The 2nd pregnancy was so bad I would sometimes pray for death. It is very important to know your family history because whatever your mom went through you WILL go through.

9. Labor……………

So with my first child I was induced and given drugs (wonderful drugs!) and that was like the smoothest most wonderful labor on earth! With my second child….. I went into labor, NONE of my doctors were on call, so I had to use the hospital midwife who looks no older than 20. The midwife told me I was not in labor and sent me home (like I don’t know what the hell labor is) I went home and went back to the hospital 2 HOURS LATER!! I made it in enough time to not have her on the freaking sidewalk. So the room was not even prepped and NO DRUGS!! Giving birth naturally is like dying, walking through hell and coming back to life from a 5-year coma……….yep…… (I have PTSD from that experience)

8.Team Zombie!!

No matter how old your child gets, you will never sleep again!! (I’m so use to waking up at 5 am that sleeping in on the weekends means sleeping until 7am.) Not because your children are wild hooligans who refuse to let you sleep. It’s because your body has gotten into a routine! So when grandma finally gives you that break you’ve need oh so much and you think you’re gonna sleep in …….WRONG! You are gonna wake up , clean up, run errands and everything else that you couldn’t do with the kids around. And by the time you have finished that and have a little time to yourself, it’s normally an hour before the kids are due back…..CHEERS to parenthood

7. Babies Know More Than What You Think

Babies are EXTREMELY smart and advanced!! Just because they can’t speak or do for themselves does NOT mean they don’t know what the deal is!  For example; My 6 month old has learned that when mommy is doing something important the only way to get my attention is to cry a certain way. (Yes babies have different cries for different things) She knows that if she cries as if she is hurt she will get my attention immediately. So one day, as I am cooking dinner I sat her in her bouncer with all her toys on a big blanket. She did the “hurt ” cry. But I had finally gotten up to game to know she was just fine! I peeped in the other room, and she smiled so big because she thought I was going to pick her up. I turned back around and continued cooking.  A few moments later, I hear the same cry but LOUDER. I ran into the other room as quickly as possible (she wasn’t alone, big sister was there the whole time, just not quite paying attention) I walk into the room and see that she had flipped out of the bouncer onto the floor. I ran and scooped her up to check her for damage then I rocked her in my arms. She still continued to scream. I look down to realize that scream was not from pain but from LAUGHTER! She pulled a fast one on me. She knew that if I was gonna pick her up she would have to take it further than just a cry. She was not hurt what so ever, she just knew what to do to get the result she wanted. Never underestimate children…..ever!!

6. Shut Up Is Not The Word Of The Day.

I will tell you some days it takes every ounce of strength to not tell my child to “shut the hell up”. Yes, this thought will go through your mind, I don’t care how awesome of a parent you think you are! But I have learned that begging works just as well and it’s not as hurtful. It sounds a little something like this “baby I understand that you want to talk about everything that comes to your mind, I get it, I really do but baby PLEASE be quiet for just a few minutes PLEASE!”. Now children take those few minutes literally but hey at least you’ll get at least 1 minute and 13 second of peace……. take what you can get and run with it!! (yes, you have to beg children for almost everything)

5. It’s Not That Simple

Something as simple as putting on a shirt can turn into a tantrum rendering break down! Anything can set a child off and I mean ANYTHING! (Children cry A LOT!!)  My 8-year-old was having trouble putting her dolls hair into a bun. Instead of coming to ask for help she kept trying and trying until she broke down crying thinking that life itself was over and that she would never amount to anything if she couldn’t fix this damn dolls hair. So I told her to bring me the doll and any other doll that needed it’s hair fixed. I did doll hair for an HOUR! Now as adults we think,” why didn’t you just ask for help?” but with children it’s not that simple. They yearn to do things on their own and would rather have a nervous breakdown than have someone else do it. What’s simple to us is hard to imagine for them.

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4.They Are Not Sweet…….

You see the baby commercials and think “awwwww how sweet! Baby Fever!.” If you don’t take your ass to the store and get some fever medicine and stop playing. You have no clue what you’re talking about. My youngest was upset because I wouldn’t let her see my phone! She threw a tantrum, scratched my face up and pulled my hair!  Then leaned her head back to ignore me while I gave her the  “we don’t throw tantrums in this house” talk………….yeah she is as sweet as a bunch of rabid dogs. (But “dat’s monna baby and I lub it.”” (sorry for the baby talk)

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3. You’re In Unknown Competition With Other Parents.

You don’t mean to be but sometimes you just have to let a bitch know that your child is superior!! Just kidding!!! But on a serious note, you will find yourself comparing and contrasting your child to your friend’s kids and other kids. And whoever has the smartest, cutest, advance kid wins. The reason is that EVERY parent believes that their child is the greatest in the world and no other child can beat their child simple as that. We don’t do it on purpose, it’s just a subconscious thing. and all you parents can lie and say that you don’t but the jig is up we know.

2. You Do It!……Nope, it’s Not My Turn!

When you have a baby, you will have this same conversation at least 5 times a day. “baby needs to be changed…”  “I changed the last diaper its your turn.”  You and your spouse will make sure that the load is equal (if you have a good spouse). And will quickly remind each other when its your turn to do something. Not that we don’t love our kids enough to jump at every beckoning call, it just that parenting is hard, exhausting and strenuous and any break we can get, we lounge at the chance to get it. This conversation will never end I promise it’s for life!

1. No Matter What……………

Of all the previous 9 things I have said this one is the most important. Out of all those 9 things I just spoke about I am here to tell you that each and everyone is absolutely WORTH IT. I love every last one of these terrible moments! Although my last pregnancy and labor was an experience from hell, I’m not even suppose to have them! The doctors told me I had a slim chance at having children so my children are special! I also have stories to tell my children and laugh about. Even being too tired to realized I am being tricked, I am constantly smiling and laughing with my children. When I can’t get the peace and quite I need, I just join in on the noise! Even when my sweetie’s are not being so sweet and throwing tantrums, when its all done, I still call them my sweet babies. They are my life line, my connection to my self, my heart outside my body. Just all around the loves of my life! (sorry hubby) Its just like the movie twilight when the werewolves imprint on another person and they can’t live with out them. That’s what having children is like. (That right having children is like a vampire movie!) I literally obsess over my children each and every day and each and every night! There is absolutely nothing that will stop me from loving my children, NOTHING. And this ladies and gentlemen is why people lie and say parenting is easy. Because pure, unconditional, untainted, forgiving, patience , and forever lasting love is what makes it easy. So BOOM there you have it !!

 

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